HOW TO IMPROVE THE STATE OF A RELATIONSHIP?

1. Be grateful for what you have.

   Look at the positive things that you and your partner contribute to the relationship. Everyone has faults – even you. Are there positive things you can say about your partner? Is sex with your partner satisfying? Do you embarrass each other? Are you content you married each other? Focus on what is working in your relationship and not the problems.

2. Don’t try to change your partner.

   You chose this relationship. No one forced you to be in a couple. There obviously was something that attracted you to your partner in the beginning. Your partner had some faults that you didn’t object to then – so why now? Have you had civil discussions about the faults you now find objectionable? Have you given your partner equal opportunity to tell you about your faults he finds annoying? Look at the things you love about your partner instead of their unhelpful traits.

3. Look at yourself.

   You are the only person in the relationship that can make yourself content. What are you doing that contributes to your unhappiness? Not relating the little grievances and letting go of little things that mean very little in the long run. Do you feel you need excitement? Is life boring? If so, do something about it: get a job, change jobs, get a hobby, or join a group. Have you changed over the years? Are you expecting too much from your partner? Are you not giving credit where credit is due? Are you a loving partner?

4. Don’t be a ‘right-fighter.’

   Do you prolong unhappy arguments until your partner gives up and relays to you that you’re right? Are you convinced you are the only unhappy one who knows what is right and relay it constantly to your partner? This is a trait in a controller, and it is unhealthy. Look at issues from the other person’s perspective; try to relate to their situation. Most likely, they have a point that you can relate to and should be given consideration. Your partner may see things differently, and that is not always wrong. Not everything should be done according to one person’s idea of what is right.

5. Expect respect & give it too.

   Do you give more respect to your co-workers and friends than you do to your partner? This is a two-way street. In any relationship, you have to demand respect, but you also have to show respect. Don’t resort to name-calling, don’t curse, don’t belittle, don’t act superior, and don’t ever resort to physical attacks. Be kind and understanding, and expect your partner to reciprocate. If you’re not treating your partner the way you want to be treated, it can lead to an unhealthy situation.

6. No deceit.

   Look at your own behavior. Do you sometimes color the truth to put yourself in a better light? If you do, you really can’t expect better from your partner. Make a pact with yourself that you will always tell the truth, and then you can expect the same from your partner. There’s always a way of speaking the truth about issues you have with your partner without being mean about it. This will go a long way to making you feel content about yourself.

7. Devote time to communicate.

   This is not an opportunity to find fault and make complaints about how unhelpful your partner is. It is an opportunity to make sure you are both on the same page. Talk about finances, goals for the immediate, and goals you both agree to work toward in the future. Discuss the children’s accomplishments and discuss solutions for their problems. If you share ideas regularly and are aware of what each of you wants, you will not be blind-sided by something that could get out of hand and not rectify. Be honest with each other, and nothing will ever become a surprise.

8. Be romantic.

   Nothing keeps couples together more than romance. Plan a surprise for your partner once in a while. Make sure that the surprise you choose is something that your partner will want to do. It makes no sense to buy concert tickets when you know your partner hates concerts. Choose a time to be together without the children, without relatives, and without friends.

If you’re not sure what you want for your partnership or even what’s wrong with it, or if you and your partner are trying to relate to each other and find happiness again, you may want to find a person as doctor or therapist who can help you with the process and provide relationship relief.