HOW TO KNOW IF THERE IS RESENTMENT IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Resentment can manifest in subtle ways that aren’t always super apparent to your partner ― or even to yourself.
Changes In Communication:
Signs of resentment can be insidious and small verbal and nonverbal behaviors, such eye-rolling, sighing, criticizing, a general lack of respect or value for your partner’s opinions or actions, and invalidation that overtime builds up and overtakes many of your interactions.Passive-aggressive comments, subtle digs, scoffing and belittling what the other person says can all point to resentment. There could be a sense of moodiness or short closed-end statements that cut off actual conversation as well.
Keeping Score:
Partners harboring resentment may start keeping track of each other’s mistakes or past wrongdoings, using them as ammunition in future conflicts.Someone might be bringing up past grievances frequently, focusing on tit-for-tat.You might feel as if you constantly have to sacrifice your own wants and needs.
Avoiding Spending Time Together:
It’s healthy for couples to have their own interests and friends they see separately, but if one or both partners seem to be finding excuses to avoid another or get out of spending solo time together, that’s a big red flag.Ask yourself if you’re feeling withdrawn or emotionally disconnected from your partner. Maybe you aren’t interacting as much as you used to.
Criticism And Blame:
The “four horsemen” of a relationship apocalypse are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.Take note if the way you deal with conflict and differences has shifted to a more critical approach.
Complaining Behind Their Back:
In addition to frequently nitpicking or complaining to your partner about things they do, a sign of resentment might involve how you talk about your partner to other people.
Do you find yourself complaining behind your partner’s back, assuming the worst instead of the best of a particular miscommunication or conflict?A little venting to your friends here and there is fine, but pay attention if it starts to feel excessive. Are you only talking about your partner as though they’re a terrible person?
Emotional Outbursts Or Coldness:
Resentment is clever in the way it masks itself as anger.Resentment can manifest in emotional outbursts or cold behavior as those pent-up feelings are released. Resist the urge to boil these deeper issues down to pure anger or sadness.
You may find an increase of conflict about small things that always seem to come back to a larger past issue, feelings of disgust and disdain and feelings of overwhelm and high stress.You might begin to assume that your partner is intentionally trying to anger, annoy or upset you, instead of giving them the benefit of the doubt ― which leads to you interacting defensively and perpetuating the negative dynamic.
