And these subtle signs don’t necessarily mean there’s something wrong with your partner.

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1. Not much communication about feelings

When you’re in a relationship, it’s easy for the communication to slowly tilt toward logistics. The planning of the day. The events that happened.

Conversations about friends, family, co-workers, and all the people in your life except each other. How your day went. How frustrated you are with your boss. Future plans and todos. Especially if you have children. But if you guys aren’t expressing feelings about each other, good or bad, that’s a subtle sign.

It shouldn’t have to take a deal-breaker to talk to your partner about your feelings. How he makes you feel. What he did or didn’t do that made you feel a certain way. Or how safe and amazing he makes you feel. General check-ins about how people feel in the relationship create glue and connection.

And if you’re not used to it, expressing your feelings is a great exercise for you to stretch yourself. It’s not just a good tool for this relationship. It’s a must-have for all your relationships, including the one you have with yourself. It’s a life tool. You are telling yourself in action that you matter. That you exist.

2. Lack of deep conversations

It’s not just about feelings. What are you guys conversing about besides where to eat and what to watch? Every conversation doesn’t have to be about the universe and how we got here but there should be some deeper dialogue about some meaningful shit. Things that are important to you.

What are your life revelations? What are you struggling with? What’s bringing you anxiety? Your world views? Learnings? Revelations? What are you curious about these days? Remember, you’re doing life with your partner, not at or around. If you want to go with it, go deeper.

We’re always changing, evolving, growing, shedding, and becoming. Yes, what we like on our pizza may not change but we are different than we were yesterday. Even if it’s slight. Without the deeper conversations, we only know who someone used to be. Not who they are today. And that subtle difference can create hairline cracks in our relationship. Talk about something real again. It’s the only way to truly get to know someone.

3.Everything feels like effort/heavy

As you know, relationships require tons of work so everything isn’t going to flow like a beautiful stream every day. Some days your relationship will feel effortless and other days, like a riptide. This means heavy is normal. There are going to be heavy days. But not if every day and everything feels like you’re pulling a train up the hill with your teeth. That’s a sign.

Heavy comes from the inside. Yes, there are external factors that can put weight on a relationship. Life turbulence. Transitions. Fights. Events. Bills. Situations. But at the end of the day, heavy stems from feelings. Anger. Resentment. Disconnection. Ambivalence. Uncertainty. Anxiety. These feelings need to be addressed or the heavy won’t go away. Instead, it will grow. Like a virus.

If there’s a consistent heavy in your relationship, lingering like a gray cloud, you have to ask yourself where it’s coming from. It’s a sign.

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