Some questions may help you learn how tohelp each other. Others may help you and your partner express yourselves a bit better or clarify goals, wants, and needs.

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What Can I Help You With Today?

This can be a good first question to ask. You and your partner are likely in a relationship because you love one another. Helping each other can be a way to express your love. Sometimes partners in a couple get caught up in their lives and forget the value of helping oneanother. By asking your partner what you can help them with, you can show them that they are important to you and that you want to make their life—and the life you share together—better. Helping your partner is a win-win. Not only can it make them feel supported, but research shows that people who actively help others and practice kindness feel a greater sense of meaning in life.


What About Our Life Makes You Happy?

If you’re experiencing conflict in your relationship, it can be difficult to think about what makes you happy;but remembering what brings you happiness can be important for the connection between you and your spouse. When you talk to your partner about what they love about your relationship, you may also begin thinking about the good things. When you and your partner reflect on the happy aspects of your relationship and the things you wouldn’t want to give up, you may find it helps you work through challenges you’re facing as a couple.

Talking about the positive can help you feel more hopeful and motivated to work for a happy future. You’ll both likely gain knowledge of how to keep what makes you both happy strong and in place. In addition, being aware of what makes you both happy can help you feel thankful—and those feelings of gratitude can improve emotional health.

What One Thing Would Make You Feel Successful?

Finding out what your partner wants out of life in order to feel fulfilled and successful can help strengthen your relationship. Knowing what they hope for and dream of regarding the future can help you get on the same page. Asking this question is also a good way of letting your partner know that you care about what they value and what their goals are. You may then be in a better position to help them reach their goals and to support them as they work in that direction. Mutual support of each other’s healthy, productive goals is a great way to express love and help each other find happiness and fulfillment in a shared future.

What Would Make You Feel Closer As A Couple?

Asking this question can help you and your partner discover ways to become closer. Perhaps your partner wants to spend more time with you, work on your physical relationship, or receive more support or encouragement from you. Whatever their answer is, you can gain insight into what they feel would bring you closer, and that can help strengthen your relationship.


Is There Something In Our Past We Need To Deal With?

Sometimes the past can affect the present and the future. Unresolved feelings about the past can harm relationships. Offering your partnerthe opportunity to talk it over can help bring the issue to light. Then you may be able to find ways to address the issue and prepare to move forward.

 What Was The Happiest You’ve Ever Been In Our Relationship?

If you understand a time when your partner felt the happiest and most loved, respected, and cared for, you may gain insight into what you can do to regain and sustain these positive feelings.


When you ask your partner questions, you might try these tips to be a good listener:

  1. Avoid interrupting.
  2. Try not to redirect the conversation to your needs or concerns until they have finished speaking and feel heard.
  3. Show interest in what they’re saying.
  4. Set aside your judgment. You may make more progress if your goal is to understand them, not to argue, even if you disagree with them. Once they have expressed their views and feel heard, you could find the right time—either that moment or later—to respectfully express your feelings about their responses.

Being both a respectful listener and a respectful speaker can help you and your partner understand each other more fully.This can be a much more peaceful, productive way of communicating than arguing or criticizing. Valuing each other’s feelings and needs (and being open to hearing about them) can help you develop a stronger, healthier relationship.

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