Your relationship might be broken, but it's not over yet

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 Civilized talking feels impossible

You may feel the two of you are replaying the same argument, with no lasting solution ever established. Active listening, empathy, and understanding are not an option because you feel so much at odds with one another.

As a married couple, you and your partner need to commit to working together to let go of the past — previous assumptions — to begin building a new future. Over-communication and over-clarification can help.

You aren’t talking at all

Talking and sharing with your spouse is a way to maintain closeness. If you haven’t been talking to your partner, you two are in a state of disconnection.

The gap between you needs to be closed — and that is the purpose of speaking — to reconnect.

The first step is to think about the love for your spouse. What attracted them to you in the first place? What ten qualities do you love about them now? Foster the love for your partner, and use that love as a motivator to take the next steps.

Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling are present

Criticism in a relationship isn’t an automatic sign of impending doom, but if the criticism is left unchecked, it can lead to contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.

Work to change how you communicate in your relationship, focusing on the action and how it made you feel. Don’t make assumptions about what motivated your partner to do certain things.

Also, refrain from tit for tat on who has it more difficult. You know how you feel and what you are thinking. You can only assume you know your partner, but you probably have it wrong. You can work together to come up with solutions both parties can accept.Contempt is fueled by long-lasting negative thoughts about your partner, and it is the single most significant predictor of divorce.Arguing when either partner is emotionally charged doesn’t lead to a resolution — it will only dig the hole deeper, leading to stonewalling.

You no longer are intimate

Intimacy in marriage strengthens trust between you two and improves marital satisfaction. When you are no longer intimate, it’s a sign of trouble.

To get intimacy back in your marriage, you can turn towards each other in a loving, respectful way that can help rebuild connection — focus on your partner and show them empathy instead of aggression, defensiveness, or being distant.Emotional intimacy leads to physical intimacy. If you and your partner do not have an emotional connection, it will be challenging to generate an intimate one.

You’re ignoring your intuition

Your intuition knows the facts and how you feel, whereas your mind can rationalize away from the truth. If you’re in an unhappy marriage and stick it out, you might be ignoring your intuition.

The first step is to quiet the mental chatter. And there can be a lot of chatter!Analyzing your marriage to put in the effort to stay and repair it or to walk away and build a life apart is a difficult decision. It can be even harder to figure out where you stand if you are stuck with reoccurring, obsessive thoughts that may be fueled by anger, resentment, or fear.

You fantasize about a life without your spouse

Fantasizing about a life without your spouse means you’re mentally detaching from your relationship and sending the signal that you don’t care. If you’re not ready to pull the plug on the marriage, you can still reconnect to it.

Fantasies are seductive because it’s often the best reality can offer. The negative aspects and consequences of specific actions are only explored when you take a step back and weigh it against fact.

Fantasies can help us establish our goals and provide motivation to attain them if we explore all sides of the story. Having the occasional fantasy isn’t a problem, but when it becomes frequent or changes your choices, this is a sign something in your life needs to be examined.

If you’re fantasizing of being single again, take a moment to explore if it’s a fantasy that should be checked or acted upon.


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